The past year has been a year of growth. I needed to reset myself. Honestly, it had nothing to do with powerlifting but because that was such a huge part of my life I needed to break up with it in order to figure what other aspects of my life had taken a back seat. I’ve learned so much in the past year. Going through it, made me feel as though I had failed, but now being partially on the other side of it, I realized that it was necessary. I had some real conversations with myself and those close to me and what I found out was that I needed to get healthy.
I had built up this idea that I was a powerlifter so as long as the weight was moving I was going in the right direction but that was a lie and eventually the weight stopped moving. Powerlifting, while it was a part of my life, wasn’t my entire life. I wasn’t eating well and I wasn’t moving well in or outside of the gym. Things that I should have been able to do with ease were hard. Going for a jog, walking up stairs, standing for longer than 20 minutes. Those simple things made my heart race and made joints, back and feet ache. I felt like a much older person. I’m in my early thirties with no real illnesses. My strength started to plateau.
What helped: I used what I had. I’m the proud owner of an incredible gym that offers boot camp classes for beginners. I wasn’t a beginner to the fitness world but because of the way I was moving, it was as if I had to start from the beginning. It was incredibly humbling but worth it. My joints got stronger. My cardiovascular system was getting better and I was starting to be able to run and jump as I had never before.
The next thing I did was ask for help! This one is big because I’ve often felt like asking for help meant that I was dumb or inadequate in some way. I realized that although I knew what I needed to do, I also needed accountability. I got a nutrition coach. She has changed my life! I’m not at the place where I quite understand what she did for me but what I know is that I’ve never thought of myself as a person with discipline and somehow I’ve been so disciplined and focused and it’s really starting to pay off. I’ve never been prouder of myself.
I was terrified daily. I was afraid that everything that I had built would disappear. I was afraid to move or make decisions because I was putting so much pressure on myself. I began to isolate myself because I was embarrassed about my feelings and I felt alone because I didn’t think anyone understood what I was going through since I couldn’t exactly articulate it myself. One day, I thought to myself, “if I was gone, no one would care. In fact, everyone and everything would be better off, even be more successful. I am the reason for every bad thing that is happening.” I wanted to disappear. I confessed my feelings to my husband and he encouraged me to seek help. I went to a therapist and learned that I wasn’t alone. In fact, there were actual legitimate reasons why I was feeling this way and she gave me practical, tangible advice.
What helped: I also sought help from others who were like me. I read books, listened to podcasts and read articles and blogs from other female entrepreneurs. I realized that most of us go through very similar seasons in life. It was enlightening. I listened and put into practice everything that I had learned.
I envisioned the person I wanted to be and started taking steps to become her. I cleansed my social media. If it didn’t serve me or bring me happiness I unfollowed or muted the account. I started doing things like setting alarms in my phone or writing on my mirror messages to myself to remind me of the person I wanted to be. Strong. Confident. Happy.
I took my life back! I stopped thinking about what others thought of me and I stopped worrying about whether anyone was ok with it or not. I couldn’t afford to give anyone that much energy.
I’m happy to say that this journey, although it’s still the beginning, has gotten me to where I’m training again! I have a new powerlifting coach and we’ve been working together for 5 weeks and I’ve never felt stronger. I went from trying to do it on my own all the time to having a group of people that are dedicated to my success and happiness.
I wanted to share this part of my life so that you know that you are not alone. If you are not happy with some part of your life you have the power to fix it. If you feel lost, there are ways to find yourself and you owe it to your future self to do so. Remember that seasons are cyclical and if you keep moving forward eventually you will be in a new season, a bright colorful one that’s full of new beginnings but you have to keep moving. Ask for help and do the work! You got this! I believe in you!
Follow me on Instagram!